Am I the only one that hates doing nice things for my kids? I mean, I don't HATE it, it's just that......well, they're elephants. They don't forget anything. We have to anticipate everything we do with or for them because you can guarantee it will be brought up at a later date. (And sometimes a MUCH later date. Grey still talks about things from 2 years ago. "Remember when you gave me that new toy because I was nice to Emerson??? Remember that???" "No, no I don't.") Everything we do has to be calculated and analyzed because you can bet the kids are going to remember and request it again.
Take this morning for example. On Tuesday morning I was in a good mood (I managed to suck down copious amounts of coffee before the offspring woke up) so I decided to make waffles for the kids for breakfast. And before you start emailing me requesting my superhuman "waffles-on-a-weekday" mom secrets, I will elaborate and inform you that to make waffles = to toast Eggos. Anyway, on a whim I decided it would be fun to make waffle faces for the kids. So I spread them with peanut butter and busted out M&Ms for eyes and a mouth and candy corn for hair and a nose. Of course nothing is ever as easy as "Wow! This is so cool! Thank you mommy! You're the best! " No, first we have to get all of the kinks worked out in order to stop the mass hysteria:
1) There was a RED M&M on Emerson's waffle! BLASPHEMY!
2) There was NO ORANGE M&M present on Grey's waffle. BUT EMERSON HAS 2!!!!
3) Greyden's candy corn nose was sticking up like a carrot nose. OMG! HE DOESN'T WANT IT STICKING UP!!!!!!!!
4) One of Greyden's "hairs" fell off the waffle onto his plate. Insert hyperventilation here.
5) Harley ate the red M&M (coated in peanut butter) that Emerson had ceremoniously thrown across the room. NOOOOOO!!! IT'S HER M&M!!!! OMGEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
After the initial bugs were worked out of the waffle faces, things went relatively smoothly. (Of course after those kind of panicked "emergencies", a dump truck could drive into our living room and I'd still consider it a relatively easy morning. As long as the kids aren't screaming, I'll take it.)
Then this morning happened.
Grey: "Mommy, remember on Wednesday (sidenote: everything happens on either Wednesday or Saturday to Grey) when you put candy on our waffles? And made faces? With M&Ms? And the other candy? You should do that again. Today. Because I want them."
Me: "Sorry, honey. I only did that because it was a special day." (It wasn't but whatever)
Grey: "BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT BUT TODAY IS SPECIAL"
Me: "No, we're not having candy for breakfast today, sorry buddy."
Grey: (screeching at the top of his lungs) "IIIIIIII WAAAAAAAANT WAFFLES WITH FAAAAAAAAAAACESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! Throws himself on the floor. As soon as Emerson sees him go down, she decides she's committed to the cause as well and promptly chucks herself down in solidarity. Now I have 2 little people shrieking and flailing on the floor. Kevin's out of town, the dogs have already evacuated to the safety of the bedroom, and the cat will never be found ever again. I have no help. Ten minutes later when all of my FBI negotiation tactics have failed miserably and they're STILL screaming at the top of their lungs, I make a game-time decision and offer them the breakfast of champions - cold, leftover pizza. All waffle faces are forgotten and they happily hop up from the floor and climb into their chairs. Why do I have a feeling that pizza for breakfast might just bite me in the ass someday?
Oh, and lest you think it was that easy, they also demanded mini-pancakes spread with peanut butter and syrup as a side for their pizza. I think they know when I've been sufficiently beaten down, because I didn't even question it. Just submitted to their demands and served up the pancakes. (Exhausted) Parenting fail.
July Month In Review
1 day ago