I Make Cankles Look GOOD

Yeah, I said cankles. For those of you not in the know - cankles is a highly descriptive term that means your ankles no longer exist and instead have become integrated with your calves. Calves + Ankles = Cankles. Wonderful, huh? Cankles are the only way to describe how my feet looked when I got out of bed last Saturday morning. Okay, I'm lying. You could also use balloons, blimps, and boats to describe them. Or just plan FAT. Regardless, you get the picture. Not the actual picture because I refused to document the proof, but a pretty good mental picture. Let's just say that when I put my flip flops on, all you could see was the tiny strap across the top of my foot. The soles had completely disappeared into the abyss. Personally I think I took the whole cankles thing pretty well. I spent the first couple hours staring at them and laughing at how stupid and cartoonish they looked. Then it hit me that these cartoon-looking things were actually attached to me and, if the horror stories were true, would remain so for the next 2 months. Luckily, I didn't panic too much past that initial freak out. (Although, I might have panicked a little over the fact that I'd have to go shoe shopping to get some size 14 extra, extra wides). However I did find a silver lining. If I were to get pulled over for speeding I could just show the cop my ginormous (and therefore heavy) feet and he'd feel sorry enough for me that he'd let me go since it is obviously beyond my control. (Either that or he'd be laughing so hard that I could just get back into my car and drive off without him even realizing what I was doing.) Fortunately before I could test my theory, my feet had returned to normal. When I woke up Sunday, there was a hint of ankle bone, and by Monday you could see that yes, there actually are separations between each of my toes. Now I just wish the same could be said about the sausages protruding from my palms. Apparently swelling is contagious.

All of this swelling is a pretty good indication that D-Day is getting closer. My feet. My hands. My belly. My belly. Have I mentioned my belly? That's where my sausages hands currently seem to live. Most people (old women especially) are probably looking at me and thinking that it's so adorable that I'm so in love with my bump and constantly holding it. HA! I wish. Contrary to popular belief, I'm not rubbing it and daydreaming about the tiny miracle that is growing inside of me. No, I'm holding onto it with the sole purpose of trying to help it defy gravity before it hits my kneecaps. That damn thing is getting heavy! According to "What to Expect When You're Expecting" (yes, I went back to my pregnancy book after my disastrous attempt at newborn education last week) our baby is approximately 4.5 pounds and is the size of a Honeydew melon. One of the other tidbits of information that the book has bestowed upon me is that the baby can hear us. His hearing began developing around 17-18 weeks, which means by now it's pretty much fully developed. I don't know why I never thought to pass on this information to Kevin. I mean, it's pretty cool to think that your baby can hear you and will recognize your voice when he's born. So I told him. Then I quickly remembered why I hadn't told him sooner. This fun baby fact has turned my stomach into Kevin's sounding board. He will randomly walk up to me, get eye level with my belly, poke me, then start yelling "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBB!!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. No, I am not kidding. And I know that anyone who knows my husband can see him doing this. So if anyone wants to judge me for putting my 2 month old in therapy, please just refer back to this paragraph.

CHECKING IN - WEEK 33!

Due Date: November 12, 2010
Total weight gain: 28 pounds! Up just one pound from last week. I'll take it. Especially considering last night's dinner was take out pizza and cheesy bread. With ranch and garlic butter of course. The doctor DID say that now is not the time to diet.
Next Appointment: Next Thursday. Just a check up. However if this killer pain in my side doesn't go away soon, I may be making an earlier appearance on the doctor's doorstep. I had the same pain about 6 weeks ago so I went in to the doctor and they hooked me up to the monitors. Everything was perfect with Bob and they couldn't explain the pain other than a possible muscle strain. Sure enough it was gone when I woke up the next morning. Now it's back with a vengeance and I'm going on day 3. Apparently Bob doesn't like the pain in my side either, because he keeps kicking it. Repeatedly. And while I appreciate his support and trying to help mommy beat up the bad guy, I seriously don't think it's helping.

Maternity Clothes: I finally broke down and bought a few more shirts. My pre-pregnancy shirts were beginning to fall a little short (literally) on covering the necessary real estate in the front.

Labor Signs: My Braxton Hicks contractions have started back up. But besides that, still nada.
Sleep: See Next Appointment above. Sleep would be much easier if I didn't have that stupid pain and Wonder Boy the Superhero trying to fight it off. It's miserable.

Best moment this week: Honestly, this has been the week from hell. Therefore the best moment is today - FRIDAY! I'm ready for a break.

Movement: Again, refer to Next Appointment and Sleep above. Stabbing pain, superhero, rinse, repeat.

Food cravings: I guess by now it can safely be assumed that I am not going to have any cravings. Which, for someone who loves (okay, worships) food as much as I do, is highly disappointing.

Planning/Preparations: We received our box of goodies from our shower in Michigan this week! We immediately opened it and started putting the nursery together. (This process may also be known to some as throwing everything into random dresser drawers until we figure out exactly what to do with it).
Belly Button in or out: I still say in, Kevin still says "wait for it....." So I've decided to compromise and say that it's more flat than anything. (Flat with a slight inward curve. He's still smoking crack.)
Stretch Marks: Nope. Although I did have a moment of panic this morning when I got up for work. I took off my robe and my stomach was COVERED with red creases. Turns out, the creases were from me sleeping on my blanket. Crisis averted.

What I miss: Beer. Football season is seriously not the same without it. Or maybe it's the drunk people that I'm watching the games with that aren't the same to me without it. Hmmmm.....there's a thought. I have to say, I think I'm the most popular person in our group of friends right now. Mainly because I'm pretty much the only person who can point them in the direction of their lost beers. (To be honest, it's not really rocket science. I just tell them to check the counter in the bathroom. 99% of the time, I'm right. But they still think I'm a sober, beer-finding goddess so I'm rolling with it.)
What I am looking forward to: Our Newborn Care class next Tuesday night. FINALLY! I sure as hell wasn't getting any help from my books and lord knows we need all the help we can get.

Milestones: Bob's started having hiccups. Twice yesterday and once so far today as a matter of fact. According the my book, hiccups are necessary for proper diaphragm and lung development. Which Bob needs so that when he begins to walk and talk, he can walk up to Daddy (preferably while Daddy is sleeping), get eye level with him, poke him, and yell "DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!" at the top of his lungs. Paybacks are hell.

33 Weeks - And yes, you can ignore the stupid look on my face. My "photographer" has me making love to the camera again.

I need to add a small side story here: Approximately 30 seconds after this picture was taken, Kevin was at it again. This time it was "BOBBLES! YOU CAN COME EARLIER IF YOU WANT SO THAT I CAN GO HUNTING THIS YEAR! SOMETIME AROUND OCTOBER 15 WOULD BE GREAT! OR OCTOBER 17! BOBBLES!!!! CAN YOU HEAR ME???" Yup, the whole hunting thing should make it pretty apparent that I can't make this stuff up.