It's Just a Matter of Time

As many of you know, Greyden is in daycare. Or "storage" as Kevin likes to call it. We looked into getting a nanny, but as I've said before our opinions on what a nanny should be are vastly different. Leah: Old, grandmotherly type with 10 children of her own. Kevin: 18-ish, hot, big boobs, preferrably Swedish, child experience not necessary if all previous criteria are met. So daycare was just easier than fighting about it.

We're actually pretty happy with our daycare. The teachers obviously love children and they have a camera system in the rooms so that I can spy on them check in on Greyden from time to time via my computer. In fact, the only problem with it so far is that it's a Christian daycare, which would normally be a check in the pros column. However when we enrolled, we didn't take into consideration the fact that Kevin and I don't exactly have filters. This became apparent last month when the daycare had its monthly fire drill. Since the babies in Greyden's classroom can't walk yet, they're put in cribs according to size and wheeled outside. Grey is still on the (*ahem*) lower end of the spectrum for size, so he gets put into the crib between the other two smallest babies. Which just happens to be a set of cute, little twin girls. Can you see where this is going? When I picked him up that afternoon, the teachers were laughing about how they hadn't though about how it would look until they were already outside and one of the dad's came by and told Greyden that he was one lucky little man. The following day the teachers were still laughing about it when Kevin picked him up. They told him the story, to which he responded "Dang, Bubba. You've managed to do something in 3 months that Daddy hasn't been able to accomplish in 30 years." Which is probably not the ideal response while standing inside of a Christian daycare. **insert big sigh here**  Luckily the teachers just laughed about it and as of today we haven't been kicked out yet.

On top of Daddy's little snafu, I am about 99% sure Greyden's teachers think that I'm a total fruitcake. There is a Daily Feeding Form that I'm supposed to fill out when I drop him off in the morning that tells them what time Greyden woke up and when he last ate to help them distinguish when his shrieks mean "I'M STARVING HERE PEOPLE" and when he just wants attention RIGHTTHISSECOND. Notice I said this is a form that I'm supposed to fill out. Those poor people have to call me at work at least twice a week to ask me what time he last ate.

Last month I had to endure the nightmare known as Valentine's Day. Of course I waited until the last possible second to go out and get Valentines cards for his class. Oh yes, I said VALENTINES CARDS for his CLASS. Because we all know how disappointed 4-6 month old children would be if they didn't get a Valentine from all of their classmates, right? Ugh. In protest of having to buy Valentines for infants, I waited and ended up doing them the night before. I wrote them all out, scooped them into an envelope and tossed them in his diaper bag. The next evening, I was going through his Valentines goody bag when I noticed that they had put a bunch of blank ones of his in his bag. Funny, I didn't remember sending the extras with him. Ho. Ly. Shit. I had sent the extra ones to school, and not the ones I filled out. His poor teachers had to fill them out for me. Of course there were also a couple of mothers helping out that day. I'm sure there was much talk about what a lazy piece of poo (this is a Christian daycare) Greyden's mom is. And just to top that day off, when I dropped him off that morning I committed a cardinal sin and forgot to take my shoes off before going in the room. It wasn't until I was standing in the hallway wondering why someone stole my shoes that I realized they were still on my feet. So that would explain the dirty looks I was getting from the mom that was there. I'm sure they all think that the new mom in class is quite a gem.

Want one more? When the baby starts daycare, the parents get a piece of poster board to make a photo collage poster for above the crib. The week before Greyden started daycare, we went to pick up the registration packet and forms. Me, being SuperMom (oh, this was so long ago....), requested his piece of poster board at that time so that I could make it over the weekend and have it all ready to send with him when he started on Monday. My kid was NOT going to be the only one in his class without a poster! Aaaaaaaand then they gave me another piece about 3 weeks later with apologies for forgetting to give me one. And I actually just got my 3rd piece last week, again with their apologies for forgetting. Of course I'm not one to admit that it's my fault that he doesn't have his poster yet, so I tell them that it's about damn time they gave it to me. My poor little boy has had to go almost 2 full months without a poster above his bed and I KNOW all the other kids are making fun of him! It's all your fault! Or not. True, I don't admit to them that my poster board collection is reproducing like rabbits on my dining room table. I just smile and thank them. Again.

Can you see why we're thinking that it's just a matter of time before they give us the boot?